Many years ago, I was told "any imbecile can become a Dad, the toughest part is being a good one!" I took notice of this advice and over the years it has been demonstrated to me time and time again. I have seen Men succeed and fail as they attempted to be good Dads.
Perhaps they are simply doing things the way their Father's did, or they have seen other Dads and tried to emulate them. Maybe it is because they have absolutely no idea what they are doing and simply don't care.
Personally, and as I much prefer to keep things simple, there are only good and bad Dads! Some have the best intentions, try their best and fail and there are those who simply don't seem to care. A good Dad understands his strengths, but most importantly, he understands his weaknesses.
What makes a good Dad?
As it is Father's Day here in Australia tomorrow, what better time could there be to announce Sy's guide to being a good Dad. Over the years I have discovered that by following these simple principles you too can be a good Dad. No one (including me) says it is going to be easy, in fact sometimes it feels like it is the toughest thing you will ever do.
You will only get out, what you put in...
Obviously, this applies to many things in life and Fatherhood is no exception. If you do not apply yourself and put the effort in, the end result will be less than you had hoped. You may be in a dreadful mood, just come home from work or seen an appallingly biased advertisement on the television portraying Men as violent and dreadful creatures (sorry I digress) and your kids want to share what they did today with you.
Do you politely explain that you are tired and ask them to give you a while to relax and you will listen to them later? Perhaps you just scream at them and shake your head because they have no idea how you feel.
A good Dad understands that children model their behaviours on what they see and hear. If you cannot be bothered to take the time and listen to your kids do you think they will then listen to you when you ask them something? Explain your actions to them and lead by positive example.
This being a good Dad gig is tough guys, make no mistake about it.
Be consistent...always
Regardless of how many children you have, you must be consistent when you say and do things. If you tell your children to be in bed by 9pm, then stick to it. It's not 9.15 tonight and 9.20 tomorrow, it is 9pm! It is up to you to maintain this type of consistency, because if you do not your child / children will take advantage of you. They will see that Dad can be manipulated and they get away with it. What other things will they try and get away with?
What you give, you shall receive...
If you scream at your kids, they will scream at you.
If you talk over the top of them, they will do the same to you.
If you drive your car like you stole it and abuse other road users...yes, you guessed it guys, they will do the same when they start driving.
Teach them the importance of respect...
For self and for others. Take pride in your appearance (sorry but only some of us can have Salon Quality Hair) and show your kids that this is important. If they are to succeed in whatever they decide to do, it is up to you to demonstrate the importance of respect from a very early age. If they make a mistake or do the wrong thing, get them to apologise. We all make mistakes and it is important that a good Dad leads the way and respects self and others.
Loudest doesn't win...
Sure, sometimes you need to raise your voice. But, being the loudest does not make you right and somehow 'the winner'. Take the time to listen to your kids. It is OK to have disagreements about things from time to time, but you are in charge Dad...got that? You are the adult. Show your child the right way to conduct a conversation and how to get their point across without insults or 'screaming'.
And, as you have probably guessed by now, if you scream at your kids all the time, then they will scream at you! You set the behaviours for them to model. Good Dads don't argue with children. Some things can be negotiated, but it is important that your child understands that not everything is open for negotiation.
It is repetitious and the theme is constant guys, but if your child can undermine your authority they will simply do what they can get away with. And if they do not respect you and your authority from a young age, what do you think will happen when they get a little older?
Choice and consequence...
Your kids need to understand that with every choice comes a consequence. Good choices = good consequences, and of course the reverse is also true. The important thing here is to let them know what those consequences will be, either good or bad.
Say what you mean and mean what you say!
I have saved the best for last and if you fail to do this, you will never be a good Dad. Here are a few simple examples:-
"If you continue to speak poorly to your Mother, you will not have any computer privileges tonight." Your Daughter fails to do this and she has no computer time that evening. Excellent, you are on your way to being a good Dad. Your Daughter apologises to your Wife and reads a book instead.
"I'm going to count to five and if you are not sitting down for dinner you will not be playing soccer tomorrow" By the way guys, I cannot stand this type of thing because it is so often misused, but anyway, let's look at what can happen...
Your child is still lying on the lounge after 5 minutes of asking and you are now screaming at them and they finally get up and sit down at the table for dinner. Your child thinks it is hilarious, which just makes you cross and you have now forgotten all about the threatened punishment...they play soccer the next day!
Are you a good Dad?
Well I believe I am. I'm by no means perfect, nor do I want to be. We are human beings and we all make mistakes. The way we handle those issues and keep moving forward is what defines us as Dads.
I want to wish all the Dads and Fathers a truly Happy Father's Day and know that it is one of the toughest jobs in the World. We owe it to our kids to all be good Dads...don't we?