anthony sibary

Some folks are so full of crap...showbags I like to call them, always talking about this and that. No matter what you have or have done, they know better. No, it's not another 'nickname' post. But seriously, I have to draw the line somewhere so it may as well be here.

My name is Anthony and I am adopted. I made reference to the showbag as I continue to meet folks who seem to know all about adoption and how it must be. Amazingly, they are not adopted themselves but they saw a TV show hosted by a lesbian (not that there's anything wrong with that) from the other side of the World who knows a celebrity that adopted a child from Africa and she spoke about it, so that's good enough for them. WTF?

I have news for these supposed experts and that is adoption is by no means an experience everyone relates to in the same way. Perhaps it is where you grew up, from whence the child came, whether like me, you have salon quality hair...sorry I digress.

One size does not fit all...

It is an incredibly personal and individual experience for all concerned. Some people accept it and others never do. Many people have no idea they are adopted and only find out when a relative passes away or they discover they do not have a blood type compatible with either of their parents.

You see where I am going with this can't you? It is by no means a one size fits all thing. Just as the reasons for adopting a child are many and varied, so too is the experience.

Where it all began...

Fortunately, my parents John and Dawn adopted me when I was very young and they were always up front with me about it. In fact I used to walk around the house saying "I'm a Doctor", as they told me when I was very young. I have always known I was adopted and that Sue had given me up for adoption in 1971.

Personally, it has never been an issue for me. Although I must admit I have often had feelings that something was 'incomplete' but that may be all part of being a Gemini? All I know is that being adopted is not a bad thing. Sometimes I find it funny that folks find out you are adopted and then look at you and say "I'm so sorry!" Hang on here folks, it's not cancer or some sort of jungle fever...although that could explain a few things. That's just what happens often times when someone is unsure of what to say.

Here's a tip, if you feel that way just don't say anything at all...easy. A few years ago I was given the opportunity to speak at a function for adoptees and others involved in the process and / or contemplating it. This was held by the Post Adoption Resource Centre (PARC) which is a fantastic organisation and is part of the Benevolent Society.

Apparently, I have a Sister...

How did the PARC find me? Well, this is where the story gets interesting folks. About twenty years ago I received a phone call from a very nice sounding young lady. She obviously knew a great deal about me and asked me several questions, from where I was born to did I know who my Mother was? At that time in my life, I was not the carefree relaxed Man I am now (I know that is pretty much a lie) and remember being pissed off and about to hang up the phone...when I heard her say "Anthony, my name is Kirsty and I'm your Sister!"

Wow!, to this day I can recall that conversation and how it brought such a wonderful, beautiful, talented and gorgeous person into my life, my little sister Kirsty. She is two years younger than I and considerably better looking. She has a family of her own too and we all get on really well.

Her experience with being adopted is very different to mine and that is as I mentioned earlier, an incredibly personal thing. It affects us all in different ways, some good and some, well you know...

When Kirsty found me, it was like a new beginning...

I have an official birth certificate and I also have the one which Sue has. It shows a Christian name of Josef whom for 45 years I believed was my biological Father. As it turns out he isn't! We did a DNA test last year and we are not a match, talk about being full of crap, well at least the person who provided the information was a showbag anyway! Hahaha

The road ahead...

So there you have it folks, a little insight into the world of an adopted person. Based on my experience, if you're thinking about adopting a child please do me a favor and let them know as soon as you can they are adopted and that it is OK. Help them to understand that they are special and that you will always be there for them. What you must never do is keep it from them and spoil them with material possessions instead. That road is a bloody awful journey folks and fortunately I have only seen that from a distance.

We can only hit what we are pitched, as they say and for Kirsty and I we have about twenty years of catching up to do...one of the coolest things is getting a text or call from her and knowing that we were just thinking about each other. I guess you really can't fight genetics.