Nicknames, and why you never give yourself one!

I have often said this out loud and for free, so why not say it again...don't ever give yourself a nickname and then use it.

This advice may well have arrived to late to save you and if that's the case I am truly sorry. The only thing that could compound this heinous error is if you are now actually using that nickname.

Still not sure? Well, if this next example doesn't convince you then all may be lost. Some years ago I knew a guy who decided he wanted to be called Ace, after the movie character played by Jim Carrey. He let everyone know of this, even those who could not have cared less and to re-affirm it he had the word 'ACE' on his licence plate. Is it just me or do you also find this to be one of the saddest things you have ever heard?

Not only did he in no way resemble the character or look like him, his Herculean efforts to have folks refer to him as ace merely alienated him from his work mates and he quickly gained the moniker 'knob'. In hindsight, that was one of the nicest things he was ever called...if I'm honest.

All because this guy chose to give himself a nickname and then use it. Fortunately readers all is not lost and to prove it here are a few examples of nicknames, given to people by others.

Florist - makes his own arrangements

Lighthouse - never goes out after dark

Google - just ask, he's got an answer for everything. This is one of my personal favorites, as I was the one who gave it to the guy in question. I am pleased to report it has stayed with him over the years and I understand he introduces himself as 'google'. And remember, that's OK he did not give himself the nickname, someone else did.

Napoleon - behaves like an Emperor toward others, stout in stature, possibly drunk on power and leaves anyone he meets in no doubt...he believes he is an Emperor.

Special Forces - given to a very good friend of mine who has not served in the military, but is made of the 'right stuff'

Blisters - someone who never does any work and often hides when needed

Wheelbarrow - will work and contribute...but has to be pushed

Lantern - always needs to be carried

Now, to further illustrate the truly horrific consequences of giving yourself a nickname I need to share the following with you. A guy introduces himself as 'Deck'. He even wears a name badge with this emblazoned on it. And if that is not bad enough, he was last seen wearing a work shirt with 'DECK' monogrammed on it in capital letters. Remember folks, you guessed it, this guy gave himself this nickname and I confess it is one of the saddest things I have ever seen. His Christian name is not Deck and to be honest I think it's a cry for help...but I'm not a psychiatrist so I shall leave it up to you to decide for yourselves.

So what makes a good nickname? Well under no circumstances should you give yourself one and then use it. Sure, a little sarcasm doesn't hurt and remember that often it is your friends and work colleagues letting you know they have a sense of humor too.

And for those frizzy haired sandal enthusiasts who have had to stop holding hands while singing Kumbaya and deem nicknames to be a dreadful manifestation of harassment and mans inhumanity to his fellow man...lighten up people.

After all, what's in a name?